Sometimes wishing I was part of the majority
Wishing I was not a Jew
Feeling shame or worry when someone asks for the identity of my name
What will their reaction be?
Will they look at me differently upon hearing my origins?
The echoing voice of a Neo-Nazi from college, “Oh you’re a Jew. I don’t like Jews.”
Will they shut down their usual reaction to meeting someone new and become closed off towards me without even knowing me?

It means sometimes not allowing myself to express negative emotions for fear that I will cause more antisemitism and criticism of my people.
It means being hyper-vigilant and timid in the name of making sure a whole group of people are not discriminated against because of my actions.
It means putting the weight of the Jewish people on my shoulders when I shouldn’t have to.
It means feeling ashamed of my non-Aryan-totally-Jewish-stereotyped crooked nose.
Wanting to fit in and forget the way I was raised.
Turning to substances to numb the unnamed pain and shame.

Feeling like I have more that I need to prove than someone from the majority:
I need to prove I am not stingy. Careful to disdain money.
I need to prove I am not what you think I am.
I am not religious.
I am not a miserly grouch (okay but sometimes I am though).
I must hold myself to a higher standard so as to suppress the Jewish Stereotype, to refute what hateful things people believe about me.
But even so, People will Hate Me. And there’s nothing I can do or say to change it.