So I got a flip phone. The kind that drug dealers and old people get. I’m not dealing drugs, I’m just trying to live a simpler life. Also my extremely expensive smartphone got smashed on a drunk bike ride home from the bar. Word to the wise kids: do not bike drunk. You could get seriously hurt. I’m lucky that only my phone suffered. And maybe my dignity. But yeah it crapped out so now I am taking the opportunity to reevaluate my priorities. I also love to do things impulsively. Dude I got so upset when my phone broke, I cried as if a fucking friend died. That’s a pretty dysfunctional relationship to have with a chunk of metal and electronics.
It’s not easy to get a flip phone these days. I went to Best Buy and they have two options only: one geared towards old people that has a built-in “health and safety package” for an extra $19.99 per month and the drug dealer one. I went with the drug dealer one for the simple suspicion that the old people phone company would try to take advantage of me thinking that I’m old, because I mean what 23 year old in their right mind would purchase a flip phone with an “Urgent Response” button and gigantic numbers. Old people get taken advantage of all the time, unfortunately. Most scams target old people. Granted I’ve fell victim to like 5 scams in the last year. Another story for another time. Yeah I just couldn’t get the old person phone.
God bless the Best Buy employees but I had to speak with about 4 people to figure out how to purchase the phone. They make it so difficult to buy a flip phone. Why is that? I guess nobody wants them anymore, or we have become convinced that we need smartphones. Or both. I’m not gonna rant about how smartphone technology gives the government a super easy way of tracking us and blah blah blah, I’m not on drugs I swear, but moral is I don’t know if I truly need a smartphone. I guess we shall find out my friends.
This is a little social experiment. We’ll see how long I can act as a functioning human being without a smartphone glued to my palm. Wish me luck. I’ll keep you posted. I’ve been experiencing these waves of intense anxiousness when I think about life without my smartphone. This will be a challenge. I spend on average about 3 hours per day on my smartphone. That’s 21 hours a week.
I’d like to think I can do something better with my time like fucking meditate or fold laundry within 24 hours of washing the clothes instead of letting my nice, clean clothes sit in the bin for 2 weeks until they get all mixed in with dirty clothes and everything is crumpled up and I have to wash everything again and my boyfriend, god bless his soul, is mildly inconvenienced (but never annoyed at me <3) because we share a basket that my clothes occupy 90% of the time. I could just get another basket but that would be admitting I have a problem. Super functional adult with no mental illness here guys. ANYWAYS. I pinned down what I think would be the most inconvenient parts about not having a smartphone:
-No car services
-No maps
-No SoundCloud
-FOMO
I will have to start using my brain again when it comes to directions. As for ride services, apparently you can order a car from your computer. Pretty sweet. What can I say about SoundCloud… It’s just a great music app that I use every day (SoundCloud sponsor me!!). I will be sad to leave it behind. The FOMO might be the hardest part. I will miss getting jealous of that girl having a fun, hotgirl life on the grid and I neeeeeed to know about the next show in town, the next funny meme, the next perfectly tailored ad, etc. etc.
In full disclosure… I do have an old smartphone that I’m gonna use as an iPod so that I can still listen to music at the gym, and okay okay probably sneak the occasional Instagram binge because who can really survive without apps these? But I’ll try not to cheat so much…
TTYL!
DUMB / SMART 
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