Hi people. Let’s face it… its the dead of winter. My post yesterday was depresso espresso. I feel uncertain about the future (what else is new). I wish it were summer (shocking). So I wanted to share with you a story about the time I saw Phish play music on the beach. close your browser now if you do not want to ingest a mushy gushy phish atlantic city love story. you’ve been warned. this one goes out to my friends. i love you guys. im so happy that i get to be alive at the same time in the same place as you…

***

I like to remember it because it was a trip that made it feel so easy to love being human. 

Even though my flight got rescheduled at the last second and I was contemplating driving from Michigan to Philly, one airline angel was kind enough to reroute me straight to Philly. In the one room airport of Houghton, Michigan, I made a friend. She was dressed really cool. Like california hippie girl cool. 

Bell bottom black leggings long legs a black bucket hat with pins on it and a pink backpack short hair with a dyed blonde stripe at the front a chicago sweatshirt and heart-shaped dangly earrings. She was not shy about the fact she was going to smoke a cigarette. 

I love that moment when you appreciate a random stranger for everything they are and you can tell that they are appreciating you, too. I wonder what that girl is up to…

I guess I could’ve said ugh what a frustrating circumstance: I was about to go see a band I like and the show starts tomorrow night, but I might not be able to get there in time. Instead I chose to laugh at the randomness of my circumstance and wonder what is going to happen next? I chose to take it as, “challenge accepted world.” I was determined to see the show but also like, if I don’t see it, its okay. 

In a stroke of luck my flight landed right as Cam arrived in Philly. It was sticky and hot there. I was so happy to be there. 

***

It was all over before I knew it. I had waited so long for the weekend, and now it has passed by. It usually goes like that, the things you dread take forever and the things that you crave are over in a blink. 

We arrived in Atlantic City and the run down streets gave us no greeting. A lady in a pink dress summoned the shuttle bus to pull over and let her on. Her motions seemed bored and resigned, like she has done the same thing more times than she ever wished to. The seediness felt harsher and more desperate than some other seedy places like South Beach. Maybe because it gets cold here. You can kind of tell when a place gets cold in the winter just by the way people are. Just a little bit more quick on the feet. 

***

The seven of us stood there waiting to catch a cab at the Caesar’s next to the Atlantic City beach. Yes a cab, there were few Ubers, only shady taxicabs that took cash. Taxi Takeover. A old model of a black limo pulled up right in front of us at the mouth of the casino. The outdoor lanterns shone a soft yellow, caressing our features and giving us back some of our youth.  I wondered who might get out of it. Someone important probably. A tall, lanky old Mediterranean-looking man got out of the driver’s seat. 

    “10 buckza each, 10 buckza each,” the limo driver advertised. 

At first, there was excitement over the limo and people waved $20 bills in the air trying to get a spot. But then the driver got greedy and kept advertising. It began to feel more like a bus instead of a limo. The crowd began to disperse. A man popped his head out of the backseat of the limo, a colleague of the driver, and began shouting, 

    “C’mon guys, its $10 buckzza each!” 

The notes of desperation hung in the air like a putrid smell. 

We walked silently across the street to avoid the drama. I wasn’t sure if the limo people intended to come off as creepy but the vibe was definitely creepy. Pitiful and creepy. An uncomfortable combination. I think if we had gotten in the limo we might not have returned. 

We kept walking away from the beach. We found a shuttle bus stop and the luckily enough it arrived soon after. It traveled to all the local casinos, taking a route through the backroads that connected them all. The underbelly of Atlantic City. In the distance the swirling lights of the ferris wheel were constant and calm. Directly outside the shuttle it was dark and there was not much to see. A bubbly waitress traveling home got off in the middle of the darkness. 

***

Boy we were living life. The sand between our toes, the starless sky above, the ocean air, the music. 

It was magical. 

I had a thought during the first night of the show, it felt so important. I had to remember it. Forty thousand people all around me all moving and breathing like some strange fantastic creature under the night sky… at the edge of the ocean. It was absolute chaos. Lights swirling, waves crashing. So much going on in one location. But for how much chaos there was, there was so much peace. Everyone danced and rejoiced together. 

This was the thought that felt so important in my head full of acid: so much chaos and so much peace.

That was what was so beautiful. You can have chaos and peace all at once. That was it. That’s the goal. It’s not impossible.

 I felt at once that we had reached a historic point in our human evolution. 

So much peace and so much chaos. Maybe we can all get along, we can all live with each other. We were all here to dance. We were all here for the music. We’re all here together in a spirit family 😉

We were part of something that had a good intention at the heart of it. The music rippled through us and the vibrations were pure love and joy that emanated from their instruments. Its so cheesy you guys this is why i was like no can’t post lol. u gotta see them live broo. But honestly honestly it is so beautiful to witness something that is pure love and light. Every one deserves that. but yeah tripping on acid may have been a factor in the love and light. 

***

People on either side of the boardwalk were sitting on the ground in groups with big pink bubbles in their mouths. Maybe hundreds of them. It looked like they were blowing huge bubble gum bubbles but they were really balloons. 

A man with a fat beer belly walked up to Cam and I while we were in line for a cheesesteak and fried oreos. His eyes were wide and blue, wild looking eyes, like he didn’t care about much in the past or the future. He just stared out into the world, furiously soaking in the present moment like his life depended on it. You could tell right away that he had been to a lot of shows. He looked slightly disheveled, but his beard was cleanly shaped. I was wearing these red tinted heart shaped glasses so everything looked red. I peered out at him curiously because I thought he might have something to say. Without any provocation he began to tell his story in a monologue type of way: 

     “I got a van and there’s a lot down behind there and when I need a bath I go out under the boardwalk with a bar of soap and that kind of thing and wash off. A hundred dollars is all you need, you know? No resort or anything like that. Well anyway, enjoy your meal.”

After that he disappeared into the night without a trace.  

    “Thanks, you too, I mean, bye…” I said.

In the middle of the boardwalk, I took a bite of a cheesesteak that Cam was holding. We were lost in the flavor.  

    “That’s a great bite,” someone announced as they walked by. 

I laughed self consciously because I didn’t think anyone was paying attention to my bite… but it was really, truly a great bite. It was the kind of bite that deserved to be caught on film.

***

The first night had ended and we sat there in the sand speechless. Surrounding us were people moving and walking in all directions. I looked up and saw a never ending sea of moving legs and feet. It felt like we had been swallowed whole by a swarming creature. Slightly terrifying, exhilarating. No longer individuals, but a whole crowd acting as one. 

“What should we do?”

“I’m chillin, until further notice,” said Kyle.

“I like that idea.”

She smiled.