dear me,

You might think you know yourself, but you don’t know everything there is to know. About yourself and about the world. You will surprise yourself with how much talent and beauty you emit into the world. 

Just keep creating and keep loving. It will all be worth the effort in the end. How do I know that? I don’t. It’s just the feeling I get. 

Not everything is monetizable. The best things are not created with the intention to monetize. And then those things often end up becoming the most monetizable. The irony is apparent. 

You have to control and also let go, all at once. You may get frustrated because it is an absurd paradox. But deep down you know the right balance, without even thinking about it. 

Remember that drop of sweat under your right armpit will tell you when your writing is good. The sweat does not lie.

Remember to breathe. Remember to meditate and stick with the moment even if it is unpleasant.

You are a good person. 

You always start out believing other people are good too. And sometimes they are. but they are just people too. You will come across haters acting as cheerleaders. You’ll be confused because you thought haters were supposed to act mean all the time and that’s how you can identify them. Sometimes the haters will be the nice ones. The ones that see you as ordinary. They will pretend to cheer for you but secretly they want to trap you in their little minds. Don’t fall for it. See past whatever box they are trying to put you in – see that it is their desperate attempt to keep you down because you don’t line up with their beliefs about what a woman should be or what a 24 year old should be or what a pretty girl should be or whatever. 

Don’t listen to the haters, even if they act nice. Don’t morph into the box they created for you. 

You are you. Ever changing, ever growing, unbelievably beautiful. No wonder you have haters that pretend to like you. 

You’ve got it. 

That light that others can see in the foggy distance. a lantern in a misty dusk on a dirt road leading nowhere. They can see it but they don’t know what it is. 

You don’t even know what it is but you know you have it. you know its there to guide you. 

Please, by god, follow your heart. If you don’t, that will be your primary regret if you grow old. Not to get dark or anything, but one day you’ll die and become one with the dust. You will no longer be you. 

Cherish yourself and the present moment. Know that one day you will look back fondly at your youth. 

Grow old gracefully, like your Grandma. She is beautiful regardless of age. Beauty is a mindset. 

Love others. Maybe that is the most difficult part of life but the reward is love for yourself, too. 

Cry when you want to cry, even if other people are around. Laugh if you want to laugh. Don’t fake a smile, the people who matter will forgive you for your bad moods. 

You’re so serious, and that will get you far, but don’t forget to have some goddamn fun sometimes. 

That’s all I have for you right now. 

Happy birthday.

love,

me