My hands are clammy, heart racing.

I am scared.

Because before I had a feeling of Mortal Dread that cannot be shaken so easily.

But this will be for Science. Or at least for ART.

One long breath in – holding my breath – the taste is moth balls and death – very gross but strangely familiar. I’m just biding time now because I don’t want to do it. 

Another – no visuals yet – just a small head rush.

Things begin to “blink” in & out & “crawl” & move in suspicious ways.

No music just my pen scratching along.

My head is full-feeling. Not unpleasant – just a sensation.

Hands still clammy.

A warmth in my chest and neck – or a weight maybe.

There is a creeping sensation like something is creeping in.

The tree outside my window looks very much like itself.

notice the pattern of the leaves and branches & it makes sense.

I enjoy observing my own hand-writing – it pleases me. 

I feel a sense of serenity, a calm.

A quietness — a stillness.

I feel that this is one side of the coin – so to speak – the other side is darker but I am on the light side now – do i want to cross

There feels to be some sort of tree of knowledge effect here – if i cross – get higher – bite the fruit – there’s a price to pay.

But my past experience still haunts me.

I can see how at low doses this drug might be helpful to people with PTSD, racing thoughts, etc.

My mind feels empty other than the task at hand.

It lulls me.

Things are beginning…

Vape died.

Overall pleasant.

I feel less fear about writing in front of someone else, with which I had previous issues.