“The sun rises and sets over Revere Beach,” covered the side of a chain linked fence on Ocean Avenue. I was in the mood to look up at the sky in its globular form and imagine that I’m looking at the whole Earth, peering onto the whole planet. I don’t know why I came outside just now, to sit on this old sturdy wooden seat by the beach. I guess I just wanted to see if it would help my creative juices flow better, to be outside. And now that its sunset time, I’m curious if I can stay out here long enough to see it grow dark. 

I have a feeling that I am in the right place doing the right thing. Even though I have a bunch of other things I should be doing, that I could be doing, but I really think that the best thing to do right now is to sit by the ocean breeze and watch the sun’s weary eye flutter and blink off to sleep. I think that’s what I need right now.

Yes. Pretend like nothing else matters in the world because when you start to try to decide what matters, try to sift through what’s cool, it begins to drain you, wear you out. Because there’s unlimited things that matter, at least to someone, somewhere, and you’ll never be able to grab hold of the core of it, no matter how hard you try, or how deep you dive. Something always matters to someone. 

Even here and now somehow my brain got hold of the notion that I must stay out here until the sun goes completely away, until night settles in. 

Because I keep thinking that maybe this time will be different, maybe this time I will perceive the change in lightness, that this time I will arrive at the exact moment between night and day. I stare down the pinks and blues, hoping to catch them in the act but they are great magicians who never reveal their tricks.

It’ll only happen when I blink or look away. The colors will fade to black. Credits roll.

But for now, it seems like the colors will never go away. But the twinkling lights across the water say different. I will stay until the pink goes away. 

I lay down on the bench and can see all the clouds resting on the surface of the sky and it feels like i’m under a cotton ball cloud blanket, pulled over my head and I’m safe inside. The outside world can wait, right now i’m hidden under the sky. the pink is still there so i wait, growing a bit impatient, which is funny because I have all the time I need.

The sun must be hanging low in LA right now. That creep. It creeps along slow enough to drive anyone insane. but I chose this, so I really can’t complain.

Night is arriving. 

Summer nights are hands down the best nights for mischief. and the wind and the night air made me recall those sneaky up-to-no-good nights in Sharon back in high school. Laying in the middle of the road by the lake, that same road I would drive 80 on with Will clutching the passenger side door for dear life. giving little thought to whether I lived or died in the night. The booze softening my vision and giving me reason to rebel. 

A cop siren wails down Revere Beach Boulevard now, as if sensing my mood for getting in trouble. 

The pink is gone. 

I am free! At last.

I spring up from my seat as if the shackles have been removed from my limbs and I prance joyously away from my spot on the bench. I did it! I watched a sunset. Good work today, team.